Cassis

Currently listening to: The Gazette - Cassis
I'm posting this on both of my blogs...
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It's funny, all I seem to do is hurt people. Even when I want to apologize, it explodes in my face.
I'm selfish? I only care about myself?
If that's what people really think, maybe I /should/ be like that.
But no, I'm going to stay like this..

I've had some time to think, recently. I've been blocked or cut ties with by some of the people I regularly talked to.
And.. I guess it's for the best that it's this way. She needs her space from me for a while, maybe for good. I really hurt her and annoyed her that much, eh? Well, this time's different.. I'm not gonna ask and plead to get her back, not again. I already made Dark promise he wouldn't try to get us together either.
Why? I don't know. Maybe it really hurt me too. I can't be for certain.
It's also funny that I don't even tell people half the things that go on in my life. I'm not gonna bother going into detail here, however. It's just "imaginary bullshit" and "attention whoring" according to some. =]

I think it's really weird.. Everytime sis and fight and stop talking, Kia ends up talking to me a lot more than normal. >_>; Maybe it's just the timing.. It's a shame that I can't keep my sis and Kia both, but meh. She hates Kia's guts, and I don't want to cut ties with her at all. Kia's pretty keen on restoring contact with me again too, it seems. I happily obliged, obviously. Got her new e-mail to keep in touch daily, but I dunno when I'll actually e-mail her. I'll try today.. I don't have my old feelings for Kia, I just want to stay friends. I hope the past doesn't get in the way, I don't hate her anymore..

I want to remain smiling like this somehow
Without hurting you
Those emotions that had faded away with time,
I don't want to feel them again

Rei, Rei, Reiiii~ <3
She's really, really driving me crazy. So not in a bad way, though.
She's keeping me sane, and doing a good job of it.
That kinda contradicted the last line.. but yeah.
I'm going to see her soon, I promised her that, and I promised myself that.

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven
'Cause you're my, you're my
My true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
'Cause I am here for you
Please don't walk away
Please tell me you'll stay

Well, I might as well visit a couple people while I'm still in the States. Got 2 or 3 people I can still visit since they're not fighting with me or anything.. >>; Ani, and Cel both maybe.. and Kia. o-o Most everyone else dun even bother talking to me anymore. Iuno if I can fix that or not, but oh well.

Josh, my old best friend from two or three years ago, still wants to go with "Operation: Run Away from Home (Technically not since we'll be old enough) And Go To Japan" >>; Either Osaka or Japan, wherever the CAPCOM headquarters are stationed. I don't care either way, It helps me see Rei. It'll happen after Junior or Senior year, wewt. I'll be much closer to Rei, or I might end up picking her up on the way. We'll see when the time comes. >>

I dunno what else to say right now.
I'm happy with my life, amidst all the problems.
I'm kinda disappointed in most of the people in my life.
But I'm not gonna complain much, things don't get better that way..
My problems are supposedly imaginary, according to people. Might as well deal with them as such.. -_- I'm so not talking to people about my problems anymore, ever.

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

Repeatedly as always, I only caused you grief as always
I must have even hurt you too. I remain unable to move
Why does your pain touch me so?

Surely it's because I was afraid of repeating history and losing you

We wiped away unforgettable days by nestling close together
You held my hand without any questions

Even if your feelings grow distant tomorrow
Surely my love will remain unchanged

Even I pass from your heart tomorrow
Surely my love will remain unchanged
I will walk together, the future not promised
It keeps walking together, to future in which you are...

Along with the painful things - almost to the point of forgetting -
I'm thinking of you
The more I count the nights on which we don't meet,
Anxiety grows in my chest

Collecting different types of loneliness; please don't cry alone
No matter how far apart we are, let's go on believing in each other

I want to remain smiling like this somehow
Without hurting you
Those emotions that had faded away with time,
I don't want to feel them again

Even if your feelings grow distant tomorrow
Surely my love will remain unchanged
Even I pass from your heart tomorrow
Surely my love will remain unchanged

Please have eyes only for me

Please don't let go of my hand

I will walk together, the future not promised
It keeps walking together, to future in which you are...

Kaminess powah.

This is an essay I wrote for my English II class recently, and it's about an important role model in your life. I know, most of it says stuff about adults and such, but that's because we were /supposed/ to write about an adult role model. >_>; I didn't want to make a bunch of crap up though, and the only person I look up to in my life is my older sister, who's not exactly an adult.. so yeah. Here goes. This is the rough draft btw, I can't find the final copy Dx

What characteristics does your role model have? Role models show teenagers how to be successful in life. There are many qualities that adults in our lives exhibit that we should considering integrating into our own being. Three of those qualities I personally admire in people are motivation, loyalty, and honesty.
First of all, motivation is an admirable quality that most adults possess. The one who inspires and motivates me greatly is my older sister. While she's not exactly an adult, she's helped me through all the hard times in my life, especially during my parents' divorce when I grew up without their support. She taught me never to give up, if you want something then you need to work towards it, no matter what obstacles obstruct your path. She may not have achieved her own goals yet, but she is still working vigilantly to do so, and thus provides me the inspiration to work towards my own goals.
A second quality that I find admirable is loyalty. My older sister exhibits this quality in many ways, mostly because she's never given up on me or other important people in her life. She stands by people she cares about, and does whatever she can to help, even if it means sacrificing some of her own wants or happiness to do so. She never leaves someone behind, as proven many times before whenever I became a difficulty to heror shut her out whenever I was hurt and made her feel useless... She always stayed by my side, and it left me with that same drive and determination to be loyal to the people I love and care about, most especially her. She always stuck up for me, no matter who it was to or how badly I had messed up, and she always gave me a second (third, fourth, whatever) chance no matter what I did. I want to be able to do the same thing for other people too.
Last but not least, honesty is a very important quality to me. Again, my older sister is perhaps the most honest person I know. She is not afraid to tell me the truth, even when she knows it might hurt me. For example, years ago I was a completely different person, full of hate even.. She let me know that I was hurting people with the things I said or did, she let me know I was hurting her. She told me that if it kept up like that, I may lose everyone. For a time, I had pushed her to the point of being removed from her life.. but it enabled me the drive to change into a better person and work towards getting her back in my life, which eventually happened. She talks me through my problems now, and I'm much more calm, but I'm sure I'm not trusted as much as I used to be, and I have to make amends for a long time before things will truly be okay again.
Overall, I'm glad she never hid the truth from me, even if it hurt horribly, it made me change for her. She's now the foundation for my life, and guides me through things.. Thanks to her, I'm now a much happier person. Thanks to her, I survived the hardest moments of my life.
I've told you my point of view on the qualities I admire in people who are important to me. Sometimes, it's the people closest to you who make the best role models. My older sister may not be without her flaws, but I can live with them because to me she's perfect and I love her. There's nothing better than having someone who can make you smile no matter what's bringing you down. As she's told me so many times before, "Family comes first." Thank you, Kami! =D

Thar we gooo.. That's my essay. =D I was supposed to write about a different person for each quality, but eh.. I don't have any other people to look up to or that are important enough to get put into here. >_>; I could write for ages about my sis, but eh.. I have a time limit online now. Dx