Major Update

Currently listening to: Fall Out Boy - I've Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song)
This is only going on this blog, not my Myspace one.

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First off, finals. They were easy, aced all of them with A's.. Got a 99% on my World History final, missed ONE question! (Darn isthmus question..) >_< Mr. Hoekstra went ahead and bumped it up to 100% so I'd pass his class with an A. He said I did surprisingly well considering I wasn't there for the first few weeks of school, and also took note that I never studied, just paid attention. I also signed up for his AVID class, I'm the only one out of my friends that got in as far as I know.. Eep. I wonder how bad their interviews were to not get in. -_- Whatever the case, it thankfully gets me out of Drama class in 4th period, but it's an elective I'm stuck with until I graduate high school so I got to stay with it, pretty much like commitment to college. I'm just worried about what lunch period it'll give me, I had first lunch with Raymond before, but I might get changed now. At least I know people in second and third lunches this year.. Not as lonely at school now.

Carmen really, really makes me scared sometimes. I get so worried about her, and I just feel so powerless to do anything. I guess hearing one of your best friends keep saying "I want to die.." hurts a lot more in person.. She got back together with Alex at least, that brought all her happiness back, even though he's the guy who got her so sad in the first place. I don't think an asshole like him deserves someone like Carmen.. but as long as she's happy, I guess I am too. I told her how I felt when she was depressed, and we started talking more and found that we can actually relate to each other a lot more than we realized last year. Similar problems. She told me just to get my problems resolved first though, not to worry about hers. And well, being me.. I told her that hers came first and I'd help her resolve them. Mine aren't as serious, at least I don't feel so.. Carmen's constant heart problems really worries me though, and also Daniel, I can't ever really tell what he's really feeling.. I know about his mom's health problem so.. I guess when I go back to town I'll check up on him more often.

I cut my hair recently. It's shorter now, but not too short. I dunno.. girls liked me better with shorter hair and clean shave, now I look clean and not like a stoner or emo. -_- Natalie liked the haircut, but still kept herself from calling me good looking, she says /I/ need to think /she's/ cute, not the other way around, haha. I mentioned on the 16th around her that I needed to change my Myspace password, and she agreed with me, except she said change all my passwords.. Well, I did as such, my more major ones at least, MSN and Myspace, others later. >>; All on the same subject she told me to make them about too, rofl..

The night of December 16, 2008, was the greatest night of this year! =D Reunion with old friends from Amerischools Academy. After 8th grade (6th and 7th for some of us), we all got separated into about 4 high schools and 2 or 3 junior high schools, effectively cutting just about all of us off from the sheer level of contact we once had. I rarely saw them anymore.. When I went to Kofa, I had that level of aloneness again, especially since I didn't have any classes with Jesse or Bianca in my freshman year, and they were my only two friends from Amerischools who went to Kofa at the time. It was tough making new friends.. but I met Raymond in my fourth period after about two weeks and we became friends. Our interpersonal relationships eventually got us to be friends with the friends of each other, making a rather large group of friends. In any case, that's another story.
When I went to Mary Elizabeth Post (haunted schools ftw) with Jesse, I sprinted straight into and practically glomped Josh. Natalie, Bianca, and Zack were there too, and they all glomped me when they noticed me.

Bianca was her usual self; whimsical, happy-go-lucky, cheerful, forgetful.
Bianca: "ERIC! I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU!"
Me: "What is it?"
Bianca: "It's really important!"
Me: "What?"
Bianca: "...Umm.. I forgot what it was."
Me: "..Haha."
Bianca: "But I'll tell you this. If you heard it, it would've been life changing."
Me: "Really? That powerful?"
Bianca: "Yes, that powerful."
Me: "Well, you know what?"
Bianca: "What?"
Me: "Since you came up with even the thought of something so life changing, /that/ changed my life, so thank you very much."
Bianca: "Aww! You're welcome!"
Josh: "I knew you were going to say something like that."
Bianca: "He made me feel special."
Natalie: "You're good at making people feel special, Eric."
Me: "I am?"
Natalie: "Yeah! Especially me. And it's hard to make me blush but you manage to do it."
Me: "I noticed."
Natalie: "Not many guys can do that."
Me: "I guess that makes me special too?"
Natalie: "Well duh. You're always special to me."
Me: "Haha, thanks Natalie."
That was possibly my most favorite moment of the night, especially the jumpiness of everyone. Natalie commented on how I wasn't depressed and she said she was making me happy (which was true, to be honest, especially since she keeps saying she's cute, which I can't argue with). Out of all the people I've ever known, Natalie's been the best at making me smile, but ironically enough it was her that sparked me and Kia breaking up (though Natalie isn't aware of it to this day). Her cheerfulness just spreads onto everything, and she doesn't let me stop smiling even for a second, I really enjoy people around her.
Josh spoke to me about Japan, and we added onto our plans for year 12. We might go in junior year, but if not then definitely senior year. Our plans now include Natalie and Bianca going as well now, and we're going to Osaka. It's really a trip I can't wait for. Josh chose Osaka because that's where CAPCOM is stationed.. rofl, but I don't care. Monster Hunter tournaments, oh yeah. I'm just surprised everyone in our group of best friends is willing to leave everything else behind just to be with each other, I guess that's what you'd call true friendship.
I was really bummed when we all had to leave, I guess the others noticed it, because I was tightly hugged by Natalie and Bianca, and later by Josh. We all promised to try better to keep in contact (Bianca found me on Myspace so no problem with her, plus I see her at school; Natalie and Josh (siblings by the way) are currently grounded from Myspace =[ but will try e-mailing sometime. They really want me to get my phone back so we can chat for hours every day again, but well.. I'm still trying).

That night made me discover why I was /really/ sad. I'm not sad because I'm lonely and don't have someone (I got Rei, that makes me really happy, even if she's not here). I only realized it that night because what made me happy was there that night. My old friends. I missed them so badly, the only true friends I ever really made, and I got separated from them. They made me so strong and happy, I was willing to give the world for them. Being taken away from them didn't kick in at first, but when I got to Kofa, my heart really felt heavy and I started becoming closed up again.. I didn't understand what was wrong with me in the beginning, but now I know.. Josh, Natalie, Bianca, the rest of you guys.. I love you all to death. Friends forever, like we promised, yeah?

When asked if I'd like to go to Pheonix for the Christmas break, I told them yes. I always said yes in the past because there was people online that I wanted to go and see. But what now? I feel like I should've just stayed home, there's no one around this time. Anyone I used to talk to either deleted/blocked me or just ignores me half the time now, ever since I "got worse". Rei's not going to be back until Feburary 1st, so that pretty much leaves me alone right now. I guess I'll spend my break playing Grand Chase.. hopefully with Raymond on so it's more fun. I got nothing else to do anymore.. I miss my friends, dearly.

"But my back has been breaking, from this heavy heart
We never seemed so far
I'm hopelessly hopeful you're just hopeless enough
But we never had it at all"

I guess I'm kind of on edge right now.. I wasn't looking forward to spending Christmas, of all days, alone. My 16th birthday was bad enough, but at least I still had my sis (if I can even call her that now..) then.. Oh well. What's done is done, right? I can't fix it if no one even wants to talk to me anymore, I fell so far and now I can't climb back up.

"And I want to be known
For my hits, not just my misses
I took a shot and didn't even come close
At trust, and love, and hope..."

But..
I'm not too sad.. I guess I got to leave this life behind sooner or later, everyone's fading away so I guess sooner.. I really don't want to, and I'll miss everyone I met online dearly, but I doubt they'll miss me, haha..
I guess I need to learn something from all this.. since Kami left on me, it really struck me hard.. but I just force the smile and keep going, my whole IRL life is based on selflessness pretty much, I'm putting /everyone/ before me right now and helping others out. It feels good, even if my own problems just build up. But I don't want or need help with them.. I'm used to being alone by now.
But.. maybe I never really was alone, despite how I feel most of the time.
I was just hoping this year would be a good Christmas.. I don't care about the gifts or anything.. but it looks like I won't be spending it with anyone.

I miss Natalie.
I miss Bianca.
I miss Josh.
I miss Rei.
I miss Trami.
I miss Dark.
I miss Shugo.
I miss Kami.
I miss the old times..

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year.