Does this match me?

'twas in a myspace thingy.. thought it kinda fit. What do y'alls think? 8D

★JANUARY
Fun to be with. Loves to try new things. Boy/girls LOVE you.
You are very hott. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to
be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's
feings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly.
spazzy at times.Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Loves to be loved. Easily hurt
but takes long to recover

Unwanted Responsibility

Grandma came over today.. She was talking to my mom in Tagalog, but they told me later in English..

Dad might go to prison. Court is soon, and dad's lawyer wants /me/ to testify and /lie/ and say my dad never did drugs or anything bad.. because I'm the oldest child living and I'm almost legally an adult..

If I do it, I lie for my dad again, and just regret even more.. If I don't, he'll hate me.. and I don't want either.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to be dragged into this again and again..

Happyhappyhappy~

Last night and this morning were so great~ Happiest I've been in a long time x3
I didn't want to sleep last night, I just wanted to stay with her <3 It felt somewhat regretable logging off, I didn't care how late it was.
And if only she didn't have exams tomorrow T-T! This morning felt so great~! I can't wait 'til Phoenix x3

Aishiteru, Rei~~~ x3

Craziness Randomness Blog Post Title

Right, so Thursday was our last school day. Once again it ended as if it were a normal day, only I got to see Siria this time. I also spent most of the day with Anna (and Ray, who put knives to my neck >>;) I said "Bye sister!" to Anna when I left, and she replied with "Bye sis-.. I mean brother!" which we laughed about but still 3< I like how she actually introduces me to everyone as her brother though

Friday was graduation. Went to see Jazz and Liz. And PSP reached cap limit, I'll post about this later.

Wow... [PSP]

"I'm here for you no matter what. Even if we're not related, I still consider you my brother.."

Anna's my little sister as of now.. Haha, I think she struck something, I feel like I got a reason to be here now.

Thank you, lil sis

Updates, again [PSP]

-Seeing Jazz really cheers me up, though he's graduating soon so..
-Found a note from my dad, dunno if it was recent or from before he left, but it gave me some hope.
-Natalie cheered me up too (effortlessly once again), then surprised me with "You're a great catch. Any girl who doesn't see that is blind."
-Carah's looking out for me a lot lately, and notices when I'm even a little unhappy. I appreciate it a lot though, even if she reminds me of sis.. I gotta thank her later.

More later.

Holding On [PSP]

Life's been so tough lately.. yet also had its share of enjoyable moments. First, some of the bad..

-More family separation, mom hates me
-Dad disappeared again 3 weeks ago, no one's seen him.. most likely dead since he'd keep in touch otherwise...
- Not seeing Lauren again after 9 more school days.. My truest friend, I'll miss her terribly..
-Family problems, brother sick, being backstabbed..

The good I'll tell later, maybe.. I want to savor what time is left, then talk about it

The sunset is so nice..

><

Getting a social life in the middle of the school year sucks.. I don't want to go out of town for the summer now.. especially since Jazz is graduating and Lauren is moving to Japan come August. It's probably part of what's bothering me.. I really don't want this year to end. I'm probably gonna hate junior year.. and I'm so lonely in the summer.
I'm really uninspired lately, and don't feel very much. So if I come off as blunt, I apologize.. Thanks for understanding though, Ruki.
I need a break badly.

Yay

The play yesterday was super great! Really surprised me, and Lauren's a great dancer. Kassi and the other mimes did great too.
I sat and watched it with Jazz, Mikey, Jesse, and Larry. The first two and I often made innuendos however xD; Also saw Mrs. Knoles from year 4 again!
Walked home with Jazz around 10. I'm glad I got to talk to him, since he's one of my only /true/ friends. I opened up, which surprised me, and he pretty much consoled me. Thanks Jazz.
I wish I could see the play again D8

Grr

I got moved to next play! Meaning more after school! T-T I still need to stay for this one, but no free points D8 just free show.
Next one's a dancing show.. Eep.

Sunday

Went to Jazz's for four hours, which he slept the majority of. Then I hung out with Josh and Jesse til 9, which was another 7 hours =D They drained my PSP though T-T
Went to Natalie's softball game, kindasorta cheered her on but she barely talked to us D8
Zack couldn't hang out with us =[
Missed out on Smash Bros with Jazz T-T
Ate cookies 8D
Traveled through every alley we saw.
Put "For a good time call Raymond" and his # on a note and put it in plain view =D
Didn't invite Raymond 8D
It was pretty fun.

Today

Was so fun =D
Went to Salvation's Army for my grandparents at 10. I ran into Lauren and Kassandra from school. I hardly talk to them, but they're also involved in the school play. My grandma made me stay to "be a gentleman" >>; I ended up spending the day til 3:30 with them, going to Hasting's, Applebee's, and finally Kassi's house. Ran into Jazz too, made plans for tomorrow xD
But wow, today was great. ^^ And I saw Josh again too!
Never had so much fun with people in person.

Recent Updates

As of today:

My grandma got out of the hospital, house isn't as quiet
Brandon and Xenalyn moved out to my mom's, leaving me and Austin.. House got quieter.
Mom got a +1 bonus to her age stat! >>; Happy birthday.
Dad's laptop busted.. Little sister's damned giant magnet was left around it. I'll be online a lot less... kinda.
Uhm.. Think that's it.

Morei Story Excerpt

A small excerpt from Morei Story, 2nd Chronicle. Though it's based near the ending (of the 2nd Chronicle, not of the 8+ total ones. >>;), there's not really any spoilers unless you somehow already know what's going to happen. 8D And btw I kinda just improvised the writing of this scene right now, so meh. >>; I had it all planned, but it was all in manga form until now.

Guest characters appearing so far (pretty much in the order I asked permission): Jayne, Chrynos, Saito, Mekiel, Xaier, Shugo, Jacket... Think that's it.

Not all of them have been fully implemented yet, only Jayne is really definite at this point, since I had a lot more time to plan where she'd fit in. And I'm not counting Suki as a guest character because, well, she's the other main character. >>;

With the 5th Chronicle I'm kind of taking a break from the KazeruxSuki story, as it goes back like.. 1,000 years, and the 6th has a bad guy as the protagonist so I can have some more fun with that one. Though a 7th and 8th are planned for after, I'm unsure as to whether Kazeru will make a comeback or not.

There's also a Chronicle X in mind, which has some time-space dimension mix-up.. whatevers.. and throws all the characters together. Though that's a project with my brother on either RPG maker or Game studio at the moment..

Well, to sum it all up, the main characters planned at this point...

Chronicle 1 - Kazeru Morei and Suki mostly, but others play a huge role (Chrynos, Xaier, Shugo, and Jacket are planned for this one)

Chronicle 2 - Kazeru Morei, Suki, Xi'an Song, Aaerix Calder (Sorry Kami, couldn't resist using the name 8D), Nox, Drache

Chronicle 3 (Prequel) - Valo Morei, Jayne Kim, Kyo Morei, Haru Morei, Zetsumei, Saito

Chronicle 4 - Kannon Aurion, Kazeru Morei, Suki, Altes

Chronicle 5 (Huuuuge prequel) - Leon Morei, Sarah Herzeleid, Adrian Morei, Mephisto, Uebel

Chronicle 6 - Faust Heine, Julius Netzkabel Morei, Victor Dummer Morei, Sasuke Morei, Kenji Morei

Chronicle 7 - ... TBD, might ask for more guests for this

Chronicle 8 - ... Same as ^

I might update on this regularly, though I'm probably better off making another blog specifically for this. >>;

-------------------------

"So what will it be, brother? The girl or the entire world?"

Kazeru looked up at the dark mass of energy approaching the planet, it seemed to suck all of the color out of the world as it loomed ever closer. It truly had the power to end everything. But just as quickly, his eyes darted up to Suki, tied to the cross behind Haru. Haru stood there, smirking, either way he got what he wanted. I don't need to think about this, Kazeru thought as he gripped his rocket-blade, Requiem, tightly.

In an instant, he jumped to where Haru was, striking viciously with the intent to kill his enemy. Haru easily evaded and blocked each attack as he backed away, and Kazeru moved ahead to free Suki from her binds. He set her on the ground carefully. "I'll come back to you, I promise." He whispered to her as he got up to charge at his brother. While the two exchanged blows, Suki looked up at the remains of Soluna, the holy place now tainted with dark energy that threatened the wipe all of existance away.

"You asked if I would choose Suki or the world."

Kazeru said, his right arm glowing as he released Mephisto's power. He used its power to form a massive grip around Haru, launching him high into the air before slamming him as hard as he could into the ground. He quickly grabbed Valo's glaive and threw it into the rubble where Haru fell, causing a minor explosion of demon energy.

"Isn't the answer obvious?"

Kazeru was about to turn back towards Suki when the ground erupted, Haru's form emerging from the debris. "Amusing little brother, I now see why Valo thought that you could bring about the world's salvation." In Haru's hand was Verbaltim, the legendary blade of ice. It was the reason Haru had transcended to a near godlike status, it was the reason that Kazeru's chances of winning were slim.

"You don't have much time left until the world vanishes, and you with it." Haru grinned, and Kazeru grunted as he got hit with a wave of energy from Haru's sword. Kazeru flew backwards and fell off of the platform he was on, and away from Suki. He managed to regain his balance before he hit the ground, landing on his feet, but Haru had already reached him. It was all Kazeru could do to block Haru's strikes on time, he had no time to attack, no openings. Jumping backwards to gain a little bit of distance before Haru closed in again, Kazeru reached for his gun-blade, Sonata, realizing that dual-wielding was the only way to match Haru's speed.

Suki was still watching Soluna approach, her mind was racing wildly. She looked at Kazeru for a long moment, fighting for her sake, before she finally made up her mind. It was a heart-breaking decision, but she had no choice.

"Kazu..."

Crisis averted 8D

So damn tired x-x; Been running all day. My necklace just snapped all of a sudden, I didn't notice until English. And Kami's ring and Siria's strawberry charm thingy were missing D8
I panicked, but couldn't do anything about it until after school. I retraced all my steps and sprinted to all my classes until I finally found it in Math, my first period >< God, I got so scared I lost 'em, both are special to me so yeah. Thank goodness they weren't lost 8D Now I want to sleep..

...

Grandma's in the hospital..

T-T

I really feel like crap right now.. A strong.. yearning feeling building up more. ><

On another note: I hate my mom's boyfriend, badly..

All Nighters~

Are fun 8D

At least when your girlfriend isn't out at dinner D8!

But it's alright, I can keep myself occupied =D Nerdy update!

My PSP collection now includes:
Bleach: Heat the Soul 5
Brave Story
Metal Gear Solid Portable Ops+
Power Stone Collection
Castlevania: Dracula X Chronicles
Mana Khemia: Student Alliance
Dissidia: Final Fantasy
Phantasy Star: Portable
Prinny: Can I Really Be The Hero?
Disgaea: Afternoon of Darkness
Shin Sangoku Musou Multi-Raid (Dynasty Warriors Strikeforce)

I plan to get soon:
Dragon Ball Evolution
Bleach: Heat the Soul 6
Final Fantasy Agito XIII
Disgaea 2
Sengoku Basara
Any new Castlevanias
Naruto Ultimate Ninja Heroes 2... 3 if it comes out.
Tenchu Shadow Assassins
Tales of the World Radiant Mythology 2 (when English one comes out..)
Tales of Vs. (Whenever it comes out)
Final Fantasy VII and IX
Zill Oll Infinite Plus
Kidou Senshi Gundam Giren no Yabou Axis no Kyoui V
Higurashi Daybreak Portable (Loved the demo 8D)
Uh.. more but I forgot. D8 -CoughTheydon'tcostmeadimesocough.-

For my compy~.
Manga Studio!
Photoshop!
Flash!
and RPG Maker for my computer again 8D Preferred Game Studio, but oh well~.

>>; Yeah, that's about it for now.

Currently listening to: AnCafe - Wagamama Koushinkyoku~
----
The sleepy bright lullabye The sermon I've always listened to
The charm full of rattling
The unwilling careless life The horizon that I always stare at
The gibberish we say while not knowing where we're headed

Instead of getting swallowed by the wave Let's go against the wave
Bite your lip And Now In this moment

More than trying to fix myself More than trying to be cool
Having it as it is, is important Let's walk facing the sky
Isn't it alright to just live everyday like the happiness I drew in my dreams
Because what I wished for is freedom
More than you try to fix yourself More than you try to be cool
Having it as it is, is important Let's walk facing the sky

Very strange, dirty big sister How many people have you had experience with?
I've done about 94 people

Very strange, dirty big brother How many evils have you experienced?
I can't remember about how many

without you

Instead of getting swallowed by the wave Let's go against the wave
Bite your lip And Now In this moment

More than you trying to fix yourself More than you trying to be cool
Having it as it is, is important Let's walk facing the sky
Isn't it alright to just live everyday like the happiness I drew in my dreams
Because what I wished for is freedom

"To where the star called freedom is!!"

Isn't it okay for me to say selfish things? After all I'm still a kid.

Whats is essential in this ruined world is everything
Since each person is holding their own part of it
Whats is essential in this ruined world is everything
Since each person is holding their own part of it

I've always done what I wanted and just sing

La La La... La La La...

8D

Ignore my previous post 8D Most of it anyways

Blah. ><

Rei- I thought we still had a weekend together that we could still salvage and spend together, but.. I guess I thought wrong. The way things are going, it won't happen. I'm really sorry.. I know you were looking forward to it, I was too.. I'll try my best to get on whenever I can throughout the weekend, but I'm doubting it.. If anything, I'll still see you Monday at the latest =/ I know it's a couple days from now, but.. I'll wake up even earlier if I have to. I'll stay after school so I can talk to you too. >< I'll see you whenever I can, until we can finally have summer break to ourselves, because I /know/ I'll be able to see you a lot then. I promise, this summer will make up for all of our time that we lost, 'kay? And.. Year 12's summer is the /latest/ I plan on seeing you, I want to do it by year 11's. I'll try even harder to get a job so I can save up enough by then. >< I really don't care where I have to work, I'll do it. I love you so, so much, Rei. And I'm sorry I messed this weekend up.. ><; I'll make it up to you.


Kami- You don't really need to respond to me anymore.. I thought about it, and I get the picture, really. Just have a good life, hope you enjoy it.

D8

Why do the littlest things bother me so much lately? Gah.

AIMs writing, math, science tests all complete
ASVAB test results, I exceeded the vast majority of my school 8D
SATs and ACTs next year.. maybe.
Mikey talks to me more now, as does Siria, wewt.
Been getting really annoyed with Raymond lately.. sigh. Now I understand how Shu felt ><

Meh, school today, then break. Thank goodness for the time off.

RawR [PSP]

Spring break was hella good~ 8D Thanks Rei~ x3 Love you~ <3

And thank you Ruki and my 552 friends for cheering me up =D

Kia, e-mailed ya back xP

<3~

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you~

<3

Confused..

Things like this aren't easy to decide or think about x-x;

Hmmm.

I think part of my old life is back.
I feel so happy, just seeing everyone again =D Saito and Sam and Scott made me laugh a lot (All S's but me.. all single but me.. >>;). It was all so pointless and so fun! Minus them rushing Valo's remake xD; I missed my friends like crazy, still some I needa get in touch with.
We need another locker room thread, sooooo fun. xD

Kazeru's got a girlfriend!
Valo.. doesn't!
Yay for two bios to work on Dx
got a few RP offers too T-T
Oh, Ani. STOP SIGNING OFF SUDDENLY Dx!

-OMGDIE-

@//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////@;

Yeah

I'm not letting you go~ =3

>.>...

IWANNAGOONACLASSICDISNEYMOVIEMARATHONTOO!

xP

For those asking about following..

I think I fixed it to where you can follow my blog now, top right corner I believe.

><...

It hurts...

Oh noes, a survey!

Boredom taking over, resorted to a survey to quell it. Dx
----


Be hones​t,​​​​​​​​​​​ who are you texti​ng?​​​​​​​​​​​
I don't have a phone.. >>;



This time last year,​​​​​​​​​ can you remem​ber who you liked​?​​​​​​​​​​​
Yes, I can remember far too well. T-T But we be gud friendz nao? =D




What is somet​hing that you reali​zed today​?​​​​​​​​​​​
Today.. Uhm.. Just that I needa just let go of a buncha things that hold me back.



Do you think​ anyon​e has feeli​ngs for you?
Yes, I /know/ someone does. =D






Who was the first​ perso​n you talke​d to today​?​​​​​​​​​​​
My dog.




Did you hang out with anyon​e today​?​​​​​​​
Nopers.




How late did you stay up last night​?​​​​​​​​​​​
-Shrugs.- ..2? >>;


Could​ you go a month​ witho​ut cursi​ng?​​​​​​​​​​
Yes, easily.







Have you ever ridde​n a horse​?​​​​​​​​​​​
No =[ Only an elephant



You can only drink​ ONE liqui​d for the rest of your life,​​​​​​​​​ what is it?
I'd say soda, but then I'd be sleeping even worse, so water!





Have you lost conta​ct with someo​ne you wish you didn'​​​​​​​​​​​t?​​​​​​​​​​​
Yeapp.



When'​​​​​​​​​​​s the last time you talke​d with the oppos​ite sex on the phone​?​​​​​​​​​​​
Uh.. whenever I had my cell phone?


Do you think​ you are a good perso​n?​​​​​​​​​​​
I'm not conceited, and I have self-esteem issues, so obviously no. But it's up to the judgment of others as to whether I am or not.


Do you miss the way thing​s used to be?
Kindasorta. But also no at the same time.



Have you held hands​ with anyon​e in the past 24 hours​?​​​​​​​​​​​
Nopeee..





Are you a patie​nt perso​n?​​​​​​​​​​​
Unfortunately, too patient.



Do you think​ you can last in a relat​ionsh​ip for 3 month​s?​​​​​​​​​​​
I've almost went 3 years, try me. 3<




Are you afrai​d of death​/​​​​​​​​​​​dying​?​​​​​​​​​​​
Honestly, no.




How'​​​​​​​​​s your heart​ latel​y?​​​​​​​​​​​
In one piece. =D


When was the last time you cried​?​​​​​​​​​​​
Uhm.. Really cried would beeeee... about two years from the coming summer. Otherwise, uh.. maybe 2 months ago.




Think​ a lot befor​e you fall aslee​p?​​​​​​​​​
Always. -Sighs.-




What do you think​ your numbe​r 1 is doing​ right​ now?
Probably on his computer having no life again. =D




Do you care what other​s think​ about​ you?
Nah, I laugh at most of what's said though.



Do you enjoy​ late night​ phone​ conve​rsati​ons?​​​​​​​​​​​
Yes, although I haven't had any since I had my phone.






Were you happy​ when you woke up today​?​​​​​​​​​​​
Glad to be alive =D
But nah. >>;


Do you keep a plann​er?​​​​​​​​​​​
Keep everything in my head.




What are you excit​ed for?
For spring break to end?



What were you doing​ 30 minut​es ago?
Uh.. I forget.




Hones​tly,​​​​​​​​​​​ who was the last perso​n to tell you that they love you?
Rei-Rei~. But IRL-wise, Bianca.



Have you ever worn the oppos​ite sex' s cloth​ing?​​​​​​​​​​
Yes, I can say that I have.



What would​ you name your futur​e daugh​ter?​​​​​​​​​​​
Huh, haven't talked about kids with anyone in a long while.
Right now, none are planned so... I dunno.



Who was the last perso​n you rode in the car with that was under​ 21?
Uh.. Raymond and Jesse.



Do you have curly​ hair?​​​​​​​​​
Mine's like.. not categorized.


What'​​​​​​​​​​​s the last pierc​ing you got?
None.




Are you mad at anyon​e right​ now?
Nah... Okay, maybe.




Do you live on your own?
In 10 months-ish, hopefully.



Do you like to text a lot? If so, on avera​ge,​​​​​​​​​​​ about​ how many do you think​?​​​​​​​
I don't have a phone, so ha. But when I did, I only texted a lot with Kia. >>



How have you felt today​?​​​​​​​​​​​
Good, good. I think.




Do you have any plans​ for tomor​row?​​​​​​​​​​
Just wanna get outta the house, might spend the week at mom's.




Are you happy​ at the momen​t?​​​​​​​​​​​
Yessir, I can say I am.





What were you doing​ at 3:​​​​​​​​​00pm?​​​​​​​​​​​
Getting outta bed

Eep. [PSP]

Hardly any computer use lately, sorry everyone.

Rei- Almost weekend (and spring break!) so we'll see each other lots =D

Kia- I'll e-mail you back this weekend at the latest >< Sorry if it's taking so long. PSP badly limits what I can type.

Ani- I was walking home and your voice recording played on my music, followed by the JYONGRI song. Now I miss you more Dx

JinJin- I know you check this sometimes, so I put you here so you wouldn't feel left out? xD

Note to self: Give Ruki blog link.

Gah.. [PSP]

I'm really unsure of what to think anymore.. Almost everything messing with my head lately. Sigh...

I actually...

feel good. o-o

It's kinda weird. All the songs that used to make me sad, they don't anymore. In fact, I can listen to them all day long and be okay. They seem to keep me more sane, somehow. xD;

They don't bother me anymore, and neither do most of the hardships life is throwing at me. (Well, minus this long weekend.. I'd rather be at school. >>;)

I don't know. I'm happy with all the friends I have now. And like I told Kia, I'm trying to break all my dependencies on everybody, to try and be more independent. It's better that way, I think. I shouldn't be as much of a bother to anybody that way, and I should be able to help people more if I wasn't so clingy to them.

I always told myself "I'm not selfish". But things that have happened within the last two months just make me think otherwise, at least until more recently. Now I know I'm really /not/ selfish. Being told that in person helps you realize it more, I guess. I mean, I'm always sacrificing things for people, and heck, I'm just an all-around nice guy. I don't have any hidden motives, I don't try to get close to anybody for any bad reasons, I'm just.. me. I don't care about what I really get outta life, I just want to be happy and make others happy. I wanted to spend my life with all my friends, old and new, but the older friends just keep pulling away, and new friends keep coming in. I'm not sure if I really like it that way, but eh.. There's only a couple people from.. what, three or four years ago, that I still talk to on a somewhat-regular basis, and only one of them that I can be completely, 100% honest to all the time. (You know who you are, I think. xD)

Well, right now, I guess my goals are:
-Get grades back up (I like the pizza parties for getting A's and B's. >>;)
-Help out my family more (Hopefully gaining back their respect)
-Be nicer to my friends (If that's even possible.)
-For those that support me and are /true/ friends, do the same for them and always be around for them if they need it (Again, you know who you are.)
-Be a better boyfriend (You know I need to be, Rei. =P)
-Get grades back up (I know, repeated, but it's my top priority >>;)
-Sign up for Ms. McBride's dance class! (I really want to now, as of yesterday. >>; Darn Daniel taking me there to see it. Plus she's one of my teachers from a couple years back so, yeah.)
-Work harder towards being with Rei in the future (If I was being honest, I'd say that chances of seeing you are /very/ slim.. heck, they are. But that isn't going to stop us, is it now? =P Let's just think of it as the biggest obstacle we'll ever have to overcome.)
-Better my voice and actually pick up my guitar instead of letting it collect dust xD: (Poor thing doesn't even get touched.. >>;)

Weeeellllp, that's all for now. >>; I'll update more when needed. There's like nothing that depressing going on right now, so sorry if this isn't an interesting post? xD;

And a note to self: Don't walk by your ex-crush's house on the way home from school anymore. >>;

YES! [PSP]

I'm not failing Bio anymore! =D
From a 41% to an 88%, thank you Alaska essay~.
Now to get those C's back up before I shoot for 100's again.. Oh man, I need to stop procrastinating.
Watching Phantom of the Opera in French class, in French. Actually mildly interesting. Kinda wanted to audition for the play at school, but I found it was a musical when Marty showed me the script.. No thanks xD; Not ready for musicals.

Ohh. [PSP]

I just found out on someone-important-to-me's blog that she is in a relationship again, and also why I barely see her online anymore >_>

Congrats, "you"! =D I hope you'll be happy (Though iuno what happened to no dating until college >>;) and tell me about it sometime? (If you haven't given up MSN for lent too xD)

---
Oh, and personal update: My leg's fine.

The Only Thing That's Worse Than One Is None. [PSP]

She admitted how she felt about Sis and I.. and told me she had considered leaving so we wouldn't fight anymore..

Why does everyone want to make sacrifices for me? I just want to be happy with both of them.. Why is it so hard for me to do anything right?

Sigh.. Getting my leg checked today, maybe.

A Disappointment. [PSP]

Is all I really am..

.//Edit: Don't feel like making another post today.. I don't think I'm getting much better, I'm as tired as ever.. no matter how much I sleep. My leg hurts badly still, and while I walked home from Jazz's yesterday it minorly split open near my knee and bled a bit.. just a tiny cut, but came so suddenly and I didn't even touch anything.. I don't know, I just wish I could get rid of all these feelings, I want to be wide awake, I don't want to worry, I want to be happy..

I Phail. [PSP]

Everything's falling apart and I can't fix a thing.. And as February comes to a close, I'm starting to miss my sis more and more.. It didn't help when we were studying Japan in history and Hoekstra brought up the "kami" -_-..

Argh. I wish time could reverse to when everything was better.. but March is almost here, and the next summer is really close. Maybe things will look up soon..

Cold. [PSP]

That's how I feel, and scared (although for a different reason). I couldn't concentrate on the AIMS writing test today, was distracted, took me the /full/ two hours to do a simple essay... but I think I did okay enough to graduate. Tomorrow is the reading one, can't possibly botch that up.. 24 school days until the math test, which I know I'll ace. But I might screw up if I start feeling any worse.. I don't understand what's wrong. x-x; I feel like crying. Been nearly a month since I last did.. Record.

Another Fun Fact.. [PSP]

I think something's wrong with my left knee.. I was walking to school this morning at almost 10 when I felt a stabbing pain.. I ignored it and kept walking, but it got worse. I had to use the fence for support, and when I sat down I needed to rest for a bit.. Same thing when I walked home. x-x; Not the first time this has happened, but it's never hurt this much.. Hopefully it's nothing, but I really should see a doctor about a lot of things..

Some Fun Facts! [PSP]

While looking up something for Rei, I've discovered more clues as to what may be the causes of my current condition.

Dizziness and times of near blackout may be caused due to low blood pressure.
I /may/ have anemia and/or anxiety/depression as noted by my constant tiredness and fatigue, my constant headaches and feelings of weakness, how I always feel cold, and how I'm so uptight but also unwilling to participate in any activities. I'll look more into this later.

Update [PSP]

Found my dad, he's recovering from his injuries right now.. He crashed while going 50 on his bike, and flew into a rock pit and got badly hurt.. Hopefully he makes a full recovery soon, I'm just glad he's alive.. Thank you, God.

Hope is the Star

What makes us care about others to the point where we'd sacrifice /anything/ to make them happy or to make sure they're okay?
That's who I am, even if that hasn't always been me.
Unfortunately, I tend to give up things to help people who don't even care about me at all.
It wasn't who I strived to be, maybe I had no choice in the matter.
What I feel, however, is that I deserve to go through these kind of hardships. Because of what I did or who I used to be. I feel like forgiveness may never, ever come. But, Trami told me.. "But at least you're TRYING. That has to count for something!"

I wish it did, I really do. But no matter how hard I try, it's to no avail from the looks of it. People say I've changed. Have I really? Is it really for the worst? I don't want to be something that everyone hates, again. Raymond said.. "No one can really judge you, they don't really know you in person, or personally, like I do. They need to know you like that or they can't really judge who you are."
Even my closest friends are disappointed with me most of the time. But.. I don't want to disappoint anyone, ever. Even though they always say "It's okay.", I know it's not. I'm tired of being a disappointment, I want to do something /right/ for once. So, why can't I?

What am I doing wrong?

Huh. Pt. 2 [PSP]

(I hate the cap limit on PSP..)

Like I said, I'm here for you. Always. I'm never leaving you, and I'll help you through this as best I can. I promise, I'm not going to give up until you're happy and smiling again. No matter how long it takes. You're my top priority, Rei. I only hope I can help you cope with your loss..

Huh. [PSP]

It's a rather strange thing for me to notice.. but lately it's all I've been seeing.. I noticed that whenever I'm doing better personally, others around me seem more miserable. Maybe because I'm not wrapped up in my life I see it clearer.. but who really knows? Sometimes I feel as if I should be miserable so everyone else could be happy.. but unfortunately, that's neither logical nor realistic.

Edit: To Rei's grandmother.. Rest in peace, and may you find happiness in Heaven..
Rei, I'm here for you, okay?

Always Bad News.. [PSP]

First thing I hear as I get home.. "Your father is missing.".. since Friday.. People at work haven't seen him either..

More later...

Minor Update [PSP]

All the weight doesn't feel as heavy anymore. I'm not sure why.
Anna was listening to my family problems, which relate to her's.. and she said something like.. "Forget your family. Eric, you have us.."
Not sure what to make of anything lately, but I guess I should thank her. She's always treated me like family, I just need to do a better job at that too..
So, thank you, cousin.

Promises [PSP]

Change of name of my blog does hold some significance to it.. In a sense, my life runs on promises; to help people, to make them happy, to be there always. But why is it those same people who leave me behind so much? I get my hopes up so easily, and they crash even harder. My head aches from all the thoughts pounding into it, I sacrifice so much for others, yet get hurt more in return.. When, God, will things get better? What's wrong with me? I just need a little guidence, a sign, anything. Please.